Monday, November 26, 2007
 

Hey Monsters,

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! Since everyone else who was there will be too embarrassed to file this report, I will go ahead and pat my self on the back and file away:

As you all may remember (or not) at the Kaemmer’s Fall Monster gathering, we, the membership, decided that the points season would open on the first Saturday after Thanksgiving to inspire post-feast weight loss. Knowing that, yours truly was at the Hen at 7:30am this past Saturday despite the 27degree temperature and ready to go. I was surprised and psyched to see each and every one of you there and primed to go as well.

After the usual casual roll out past Teacakes I noted that the pack immediately seemed more intimate, for some reason I never saw Sean K. again that morning – did he have mechanical problems? Anyway as we approached the first hill I got my first indication that perhaps my club mates had over indulged in the Turkey Repast. I found myself easily over the top with premier points, even though Will’s entire family was waiting at the top to cheer on their Dad who was well back in the pack. Well, I chocked that up to it being early on and told myself not to be too cocky – everybody was probably still just sharing Turkey stories and catching up with each other. For the honor of being first over the top, the group let me pull all the way to the light in Acton- that was sporting guys. Holin, sitting in my slip stream, was quietly kvetching and mumbling, “whatever happened to the gradual warm up” as I zipped us up to 20mph.

On to the Stow flats and the first town line sprint. As you all know, sprinting is not my forte, so as the group continued to let me do all the pulling – Andrew Carey mentioning he would pull but he was still adjusting to his new bike – I tried to provide a good lead out. To my “shock and awe,” I did not hear the familiar spin of the wheels of sprinters overtaking me as I actually pulled away from Jantzen who yodelled “is that all you got Chatzie” despite the doctor’s orders to take some mandatory rest. Well now, I was thinking who knows? Maximum sprint points, this could be my lucky day. I slowed to chat with Professor Alvarez to check if he had followed his grams per kilo ratios over the holiday and too see if he had kept to his regiment. If it wasn’t so cold out which induces tearing, I would have sworn that Sergio was crying as he revealed that he had, in fact, had two extra helpings of stuffing and sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows and he was feelin’ it.

I slowed a bit to let us regroup and as we approached the Taylor hill climb, I got into what would be a pattern at every hillclimb for the rest of the day as follows: I pull up beside Le Stylo Kaemmer, Dan H., and PJ and ask, “Hey, that compact gearing really gives you great ratios huh? What, you guys are all in your 34-32 now right. Man, I can only go 39-25 on my Storck usually. Unfortunately, my gears are totally F@#*&** up today and the best I have is 53-25.” Then I slowly start to accelerate, my slow twitch fibers crying out in pain, figuring I’ll get the boys going and let them battle it out, look back to see who will kick my ass, only to find the boys fading and accusing me of giving them “THE LOOK,” and then once again it is over the top and maximum points for yours truly.

Even more surprising than the up hill success was my downhill success. I figured with the recent feasting and the heavier frame, at least Fandell or at least Jason with his new and heavier titanium hips would be better me in the glide contest down Very Fine, but maybe it was the fact that I had a 1/4 mile lead after triumphing on Pinnacle that allowed me to cruise down Very Fine with little opposition while never touching the pedals and coasting to victory.

Well, as we wound through Littleton and up and down Nagog I chatted with Dan Bowen, worked on rebuilding his psyche for the 2008 season, and even pushed him up the Nagog climb (without him being aware of my hand on his back) but still managed to get my wheel over the top first. By this point I figured, “I’ve had quite a day and these guys are going to bury me on Strawberry Hill,” but once again, despite allowing me to pull the group up Pope Road – this was starting to get annoying at this point, why wouldn’t anyone else take a pull?- I was able to fend off a spirited town line duel from Beard despite him shouting “I’ll show you who is the UBER Monster!”

Finally, Lowell Road and the final sprint ahead. I looked at my readout and saw that I had already burned 5,500 calories in only 36 miles at a mere 23.6 mph average and asked myself, “Where will you find the courage for this one last effort, you who have been so valiant on this day, who has risen above the petty rivalries and fragile egos of those who would wish you ill, who has worked ceaselessly for the group with little thought to personal gain or glory, you whose back is screaming with pre-arthritic deterioration, whose skin on the shoulder, elbow, hip and knees is only barely re-grown, whose weiner has been frozen, thawed, and refrozen seven times over on this frigid morning, is it fair to ask you to go one more time into fire?” Despite this internal debate, when Holin asked if I would lead out the final sprint, I complied, brought us up to 29 mph by Concord Lumber and then coasted into the circle, only to be shocked once again that my teammates had been, if I may be so modest, dropped of my backside.

As we all coasted through town, we all touched fists, congratulated each other on a great morning out (blah, blah, blah) and headed our separate ways. As a final gesture, I bought a double machiatto for Dave K. at Starbucks where he mentioned to me, totally to my ignorance, that I had probably built and insurmountable season lead in all categories through my riding today. I blushed and said, “it was just my lucky day,” and then headed home to shower, kiss the family, and then head off to work the next 12 hours straight on my feet at the homeless shelter in Boston.

Thanks to you all again for a great ride.

See you next Saturday!

Philip